2 years. 730 days.

Today marks 2 years, or 730 days, since I became teetotal. By my old habits, that’s 730 bottles of wine NOT drunk (probably many, many more). That’s around £7K (I’ve NOT flushed down the toilet (ouch, how my credit rating has always been so tidy is an absolute mystery). 730 mornings of waking up feeling…

The Room

Suffering with an addiction feels like being trapped in a room with a vanishing door. Sometimes you don’t want to find the door. After all, the room is warm, with nice chairs and chic decor. There are no surprises. Your friends are there from time to time, but somehow they seem to be able to…

Half term blues

Is it just me that feels like the very first day of the February half term holiday week off work / school with my kids (I’m a teacher) has aged me like about 5 years? Every time I LOOK FORWARD to this ‘week off’ (bahaha) for weeks, then, when it arrives, it is the source…

I dreamed a dream of time gone by

HOLY FUCK! A verrry traumatic drinking dream, out of nowhere!!! I don’t really think about drinking or sobriety much these days. It’s just part of my fabric that I don’t drink now. I don’t question it. Perhaps I need to take stock of my self care rituals etc. because after that dream, I found myself…

Why Mummy doesn’t drink

My mum gave me this book for Christmas and I want to cry. I thanked her and said that’s very kind, but I probably won’t read it as it’s part of a culture of normalising heavy drinking amongst mothers. She has now spent half of the afternoon telling me how hilarious this blogger/author is (I…

Elves, shelves and 20 months of sobriety

You know when you have SO MUCH to do and you feel sick with anxiety and all you really want to do is sit down and write a cathartic blog post about how you used to take a deep breath at the end of November and dive into and swim below the surface of the…

Taking off the sobriety “L plates” at long last

It took me ages to learn to drive. As someone who had historically been a high-flyer and had quietly rejected or mocked anything I wasn’t good at (namely building anything practical and any sports involving hand-eye coordination), I really didn’t know how to cope with learning to do something that I wasn’t quick at. It…

Triggers and tribulations

What is the biggest trigger, the biggest threat to our sobriety, especially in the early days? I suspect it’s the same for many of us: the fear of not fitting in socially. The fear of being so awkward that we’ll explode. The fear that our awkwardness feels so tangible that we wear it like a…

“18 months sober me” would like to say a few things to “30 days sober me”

Keep going. I promise it won’t always be this hard. Not drinking won’t always feel like starving yourself of oxygen and food. I know you feel like an elastic band stretched too far, ready to snap back to the old ways sooner or later. But you won’t. Not this time. That feeling, the resistance, the…

The 8 weirdest things people have said to me while I’ve been recovering from Alcohol Abuse Disorder

To celebrate being nearly 18 months sober, I am writing my first “listicle” – reminiscing about the weird shit people have said to me because my not drinking makes them feel super awkward. I would like to make the disclaimer here that most of these were said by friends who I love and also love…